If I Were His |SebastianxAngel!Reader| part 11

It’s like having a bullet fired into your head. All your thoughts went out of order all you can see is darkness. You went blind with rage you can’t even move. You’ve become a statue filled with mixed emotions you even know how to let it all out. You balled your fist to prevent yourself from breaking out. You stopped breathing because it doesn’t make sense. That’s how Sebastian felt after what she has said.

He had to be composed for Lady (Name). He took a shaky breathe with eyes closed. When he would open them, he should be the perfect model of dreams his master desires. He should remain what everyone knows about the man named Sebastian.

“I understand.”

If he should survive her rough treatments then he should be numb. He should not feel anything. He stood there just like the old days he would stand beside his young master.

No expression, no objections.

The young master he had looked upon was one of the few persons to blame. He doesn’t want to but his rage can’t be contained and he was the only stepping stone to make it more bearable. He wants to him the face so hard he’d stumble on the ground.

His mouth twitched with annoyance.

“I am deeply sorry for what I’ve done.” Mechanically speaking, the words were out of his lips.

Earl Phantomhive scoffed slightly. “If I weren’t like you Sebastian, I would be dead right now. I give my thanks to your lovely ex-fiancé.”

“Wait, I didn’t say—”

With a dead expression Sebastian glanced at his master and bowed, “As my mistress desires so it shall be.”

That was easy, she thought. “Ciel about Elizabeth where is she?”

“They’re at my house. They imprisoned her there at the basement. Wait, you shouldn’t go now. It would be too suspicious let me go instead. I’ll call when I need you. Thanks you, my lady.” He kissed her hand.

Sebastian sent daggers at him when he’s clearly not looking. Ciel brushed himself and arranged his cravat and send his goodbyes. The manservant’s glaring eyes didn’t leave him until he finally disappeared from the room.

By now, she plopped herself on the long settee lying beside the hearth and sighed. What she’d done earlier is about losing control of her temper. She felt guilty even if he hurt her. It was peculiar how she doesn’t feel pain or anger towards him. Those were harsh words, she thought, and it provoked him. The subject about the contract was sensitive to him she knew now.

“I do not mean to yell at you earlier. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what kind of things I’ve said, my mouth kept moving and my mind went dead.”

“What are your orders, mistress?” he asked, expressionless.

“I’ve been wrong in accusing you.”

“Shall I charge headlong into the mansion and wipe out everyone?”

“Are you even listening?”

“You need not worry. Lord Phantomhive will do everything to get her.”

“Sebastian, come here.”

The black clad manservant obeyed and stood in front of her. She pulled herself up to a seating position and reached for him. She pulled him to get down. He knelt in front of her, his hands resting on both of his lap. He isn’t looking at her straight in the eyes.

Reaching for his him, she placed a hand on his head. In an instant, memories came flooding through her. Flashes of images played in her mind as she goes deeper. She face crumpled into instant sadness but recovered fast. She stopped herself from knowing more. She had unconsciously trespassed his past. She brought down a shaking hand and withdrew it from him.

“Do you believe when I said I hate you?”

“It doesn’t matter what you want to say. You are still my master.”

She remembered the seal she was about to reveal to Ciel. She already won from him because at the same time she became an angel everything that tarnishes her body was gone.

“But my emotions is your business, I am, by chance, your business. Isn’t that what you’ve told me?”

“Yes, but I am a creature known to you to lie. Nothing I’ve said is true in your ears.” His tone held no emotion. His expression was a mystery but his lips were not its usual line. It curved a little lower she thinks he was trying hard not to show anything.

“Oh come now, are you moping?” she teased.

“If my lady says so…”

“Are you angry at me?” she peered at him.

“I can never hold a grudge against my mistress.”

“Am I forgiven then?”

“If it would make my lady feel better.”

“I was wrong, alright? I put the blame on you every time. It proves of how weak I am. I was,” she searched for the word. “Scared…and pressured of all the things around me.”

“You cannot be scared and you are not weak. I know you as brave, hard-headed and proud. That is why you managed to say all those things. And I will not be tired of saying how sorry I am of hurting you until my corporal punishment is completed.”

“It hurts. What you did. But it did not leave a permanent damage like I had when I was heartbroken and left alone. Come,” she patted the space next to her. “Seat beside me. I need a shoulder to lean on.”

He did as he told. She wrapped her arms around his arm and leaned.

What she did surprised him a little. It was not usual for her to be closer to him first. It was always him.

They were sitting near the fire but she still held close. A warm feeling enveloped the thing called heart from inside him.

“Sebastian.” She calls his name. “I need you to confess to me. I want to hear it again just like before. But I will ask you this time…do you love me?”

He didn’t hesitate. “I do love you, mistress. I always will, I’ll always do.”

She smiled contentedly as she snuggled closer to him. “Mm, I’m going to miss those words once we part.”

Sebastian’s thoughts were cracking up. Not going to happen…Tell me you love me too…I will always be at your side…please tell me you love me too…I want to be yours forever…I love you too… He snapped from his daydream. This is going out of character, is this what love does to a person? Even to someone like him?

Suddenly, she embraced him. She rested her head on his chest. “I want to believe you, and I will for now. I want to pretend that you really love me. That even someone like you could love like a human and that’s a good thing because maybe I might give it back.”

She tightened her embrace. “There is something wrong with me right now, Sebastian. Just before today I can feel what little love I can have and give. When I came back I felt empty like something is missing. That’s why we argued, I’m not myself. I don’t hate you, please believe me.”

“Even if you don’t ask, my lady you are already forgiven.”

She leaned back with unshed tears from her eyes. “You don’t understand. I can’t—I can’t feel ANYTHING.” She said. She thought, maybe because she was new being an angel. Is being one means you’ve become numb?

He became suspicious. “You didn’t tell me what exactly happened before you came back.”

She shook her head, her hands wringing on her lap. “I was paranoid you’d discover what I am I had lost control over myself and pick up a fight.”

What she is? He covered her hands with his. “Calm down. What happened before you came here?”

“I’ve been given answers about my past.” I still can’t tell him…

“Who was your captor? Where did he bring you?”

“To a mortician.”

Undertaker. “Did he do anything to you?”

She shook her head. She put a fist over her heart. "It’s like a gap in here, I can’t explain.
I recovered something but lost something precious in return.”

“Is it your soul?”

Her eyes went wide.

She mouthed the words ‘no.’

“Did he steal your soul?”

“N-no, I—I was awake when I’m with him.”

“You cannot be certain.”

“It’s not my soul!”

She went silent.

“I want to show you something. Promise me you won’t hate me because I know you can.”

Confusion was etched on his face.

She pulled down the see-through material from her neck and exposed herself to him.

Any other time he would deliberately pounce at the opportunity but seeing her now and feeling utterly different because of her actions the relation between them changed. 

He glanced at her and found her blushing. “Do it.” Amused, he excused himself and gently held her close and…

He bit.

A wave of taste knocked him out he extracted himself from her. He breathed while he wipes his mouth by his gloved hand.

“You…”

“There’s more…”

She revealed the lower part of her chest where her seal is—should have been.

He touched her flesh. Disbelief lined his face. “What did you do?”

“I thought you’d know by now.” He’s been so blind!—And madly fallen in love with you. And look at you! Now you’re an angel.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“I recovered my Grace…I am the most dangerous being you’ll face.”

Grimly, he asked. “Where is the seal?”

“The seal is no more. Our contract is gone.”





















_{...TO BE CONTINUED}