If I Were His |SebastianxReader| part 4

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. And they say all relationships started and ended with a kiss.

I believe both.

–Lady (Name)'s journal








Eyes closed, (Name) felt her body relax as she felt the first streak of light entered her room. It felt chilly but warmness enveloped her. She welcomes it, curling like a cat in the sheets of her bed. She moaned contentedly as she pulled the covers tighter around her. Opening an eye, she realized someone was beside her.

She recoiled, sitting up.

"What...?"

It would be a good morning except the thing beside her made it clear that there would never be one if he continued to exist. As for Sebastian, he continued to sleep soundly as if he didn't feel his bride-to-be back away from his presence.

"Get up." (Name) shoved him awake. "Get. Up. Hey demon, your master is ordering you to get up."

Sebastian turned his back on her and resumed his sleep. That annoyed her but she didn't give up.

She sighed. "Alright, if you wake up I'll tell you what we've talked about."

Her promise didn't make him face her, she isn't even sure he'd heard her. "Oh, stop acting like a child."

She turned him over and came face to face with a half-asleep Sebastian. Being so close to him now, she remembered how the ladies at the ball marveled over him. How else is she going to describe him but handsome with his face so innocent when half-asleep? She almost wanted to do what he had done to her last night. To kiss him with carelessness she desired.

She blushed at his face which is so embarrassing it made her feel a schoolgirl thinking about her first kiss. She remembered how skillfully Sebastian had kissed her, how he'd successfully made her want more, then she wanted him then and there. I affected her so. It was close. Too close to being able to give up her soul.

Then Claude's words entered her mind. We demons can't read minds we just know your desires and weaknesses and we use those tools to get what we want most. Your soul. With that harsh reminder, she should not feel what she's feeling. She shoved him again, making him turn his back on her. There, she thought, go back to sleep.

The party was due for three days. Last night was the beginning of her success also meaning one step closer to ending their deal. Thinking about how she'd been doing, it made her regret that she'd given up the one thing that made her human. Her soul. But there isn't turning back and she knows it.

Maybe…

There is one thing she could do to save herself. Claude could help her. If she could contact him and tell that she can help him. He may know how to solve her problem. But what if there is another way like exorcism? Or even killing him? That would go very well to Claude. But if she got away, Claude would be another problem, another demon who can trail her, who can entice her to another deal. She won’t do the same mistake again. She could always kill them both. That's hitting two birds with one stone. With her mind set, she could either kill him or let him have her in the end.

Sebastian called her name. "I heard you."

Her heart skipped a beat. He knows, she thought. If he was able to feel her desires and weaknesses then there isn't any secret that worth hiding.

"Now," he plopped one hand on his head and faced her. "Tell me what had transpired between the two of you.

She released a sigh. No, a secret is different from a feeling. He wouldn’t know anything about what she’s planning to do. “Very well, then.”

(Name) shared him everything they had talked about from the start of going up the stairs, how she felt weird after the wine and Claude's acting over her. She omitted the part where things aren’t clear between them, the secret.

"He gave you a dose of a drug that makes you both high and, as he'd told you, honest."

"I know. I've realized I've been fooled." she hugged her knees.

"You are a fool."

She glanced sharply at him. "Yes. I am a fool."  It could mean she is the moment she gave up her soul to him.

"It intrigues me," he made a gesture with his finger on his mouth. "Last night, you have been too easy."

"Is that an insult?" she snapped.

"I'm just wondering if you truly desire me or just acting on the behalf of the people who peeped at our performance."

Her brow twitched up.

"Or maybe it was the drug. Or it was you who wanted me to continue... "

Her face reddened. “It was the drug, Mon.” (Name) couldn’t look straight at him. She had a sheepish look on her face as he watched her. "I don't want you to continue..." she mumbled, ‘even if I wanted you to.’

"Pardon?" Sebastian lifted her chin to make her look at him. It was the same gaze he used to lure her to submit. His eyes held the same hunger and knowing. She’s afraid that if she looked too long in his eyes, he would know what she truly feels. What does she feel? “Are you hiding something from me?”

“Nothing.” She whispered.

He leaned in close, almost their lips touching. “Are you sure?”

With voice hard as stone she replied, “I’m not hiding anything.”

“Why do I feel like you are?” he teased.

Then kiss me. Because I don't know what I want anymore. She was surprised at herself. He could easily do it if he wanted but this time it was a challenge. If she shied away, he'll think she hasn’t had the control over their relationship. He's wrong.

“Help yourself.” she answered.

Sebastian took that as an invitation. He pressed forward and took her mouth eagerly just as she expected. He started gently but firmly, the opposite of what he’d done in their previous kiss. This made her melt even more, because she was uncertain what he'd do if he wasn’t so insistent that she kiss him back. No, he knows what's he's doing.

She started kissing him back and he mimicked her moves and played along with her little game. It was hard not to stay sane while kissing him. Sebastian proved to be gifted in giving pleasure with his mouth, she loved every moment of it. Now, she knew the feeling.

If she was to be the dominant one in their contract she must tame this devil and teach him some manners. She cupped his face and used what she’d learned over the years about kissing someone. She started out slow. Then she would open her mouth. But when she felt his tongue almost enter hers she would close it again, teasing him. She heard him growl, she smiled at his unease. She guided him to her décolletage, from her lips down to her neck. Then let him plant hot kisses there.

She doesn’t stop there.  She adjusted her position so their hips would touch and he was on top of her. Though she he lets him nibble and kiss the delicate skin on her neck, she was still wary whether he would take her or not.

She felt a piercing pain on her neck. She gasped and grasped her false lover tight. He’s beginning to be rough and it excites her. She felt herself reddened. Sebastian had bitten her and with their bodies adjoined he started a slow thrusting movements with his body or could it be his hips?

It both crazed her and frightened her. She almost regretted her choice of encouraging him. But (Name) was stubborn to get things her way. She struggled to focus on bringing his lips on hers again to end it formally because she discovered that kissing her on the neck was one of her weaknesses.

Their lips met again and even it wasn’t tempting like from the start, it gave her the power to claim the upper hand. She ended it with her tongue invading his but that was that. (Name) gave him a taste and she pushed him away slowly.

(Name) watched him slowly break free from her bewitchment over him.

“What you're doing to me…” she heard him mumble to himself as he looked down on her.

“Remember this," she said, stroking his hair. "I am not yours until you claim my soul. For now, I am your master and you are mine."

"If you would restrict me the freedom to do what's right even if it would benefit you, my lady, please just this one time say my name."

(Name) held him close and whispered in his ear, "No. I'll decide when to call you, darling."

He looked pained when she looked at him again. She got out from bed and to the closet room with a triumphant smile pasted on her face.

"You're so cruel." she heard him mutter.

"I know, love. I know."




***




At the same time her career went downfall, few people, along with the man she once loved, was to blame. Those people were invited at the ball. Lady (Name) plan was not to bring only one man down but the few others who had seen him to success and abandoned her as soon as that man left her.

"I've never heard you say his name in public."

"Excuse me?" (Name) was deep in thought she didn’t hear her question.

"Is it me or you've never mentioned his name before?" Elizabeth Middleford reiterate the question.

"Who?" she asked again.

"Sebastian, of course."

Her face became emotionless. "Oh."

"You took a very long time preparing for breakfast."

If she wasn't deep in her act, she would rather gone shooting with the men in the mansion's hunting grounds. She'd grown up with guns and killing something would ease her nerves. But she was stuck with the celebrant who’s grown up with frills and laces so delicate her eyes hurt. And the question didn't do any good. Her answer came with a sigh, "Yes, we do."

Elizabeth might have thought something intimately different. "Ooh, does that mean you only say it when you're alone? "

Stop asking stupid questions. She smiled,  "Maybe." We were talking about how he'd slip inside into the rooms of men I hated. I may add you to the list if you don't shut up.

"This may sound odd but have you kissed him?"

The smile one her face vanished. She was looking at her shyly but her eyes were attentive, expecting her to answer. Clearly, she should see that her forthright question had taken her aback.  "O-of course we had."

"No, I mean have you kissed him first?" The young countess is being too curious.

Her mouth opened and closed, unsure of how to answer. "It's always him who kissed me first."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yes, he was er...skillful." She pursed her lips. Then deciding for the truth, she took a breathe. "When he knows I'm in trouble, he makes me feel secure and his warmth enveloped me mostly when he does it unexpectedly."

"Good." was the young countess answer.

Hearing the word, it is a bad thing for her. She let herself confess the things she felt for him. "Why's that?"

"That means he truly loves you." Her last words were worse. It could mean that she is confirming that Sebastian is truly engaged in something deeper than infatuation.

Love? He said that once at her birthday. She had laughed it off telling him he doesn't need to bother with the theatrics when they're alone. Can he feel something such as love?

She found no answer to reply to Elizabeth instead she mumbled, "Hmm..."



***



"Have you acquired anything of importance?" The Lady (Name) asked. The second night of the ball is at its end.

Sebastian led to the dance floor where they’d be out of earshot. "The men involved committed crimes that were kept hidden from the authorities. If you would want to discuss it in detail we can in our room.”

“The night is young, darling. It would be suspicious if we do.”she replied.

They positioned themselves as they joined the group of dancers. “Based on their influence, they either bribed them or the authorities turned a blind eye because of their social standing."

"They bribed them. I wish to know more about those secrets in detail later. When will you have your chance?"

"As soon as I'm done with pleasing you." he mumbled.

She almost rolled her eyes heavenward. "Information is what will please me. I'll change my mind if you have more to tell me, do it now."

"It may require only my company in close quarters."

"I'm not playing your game, Mon."

They spread their arms as she goes for a twirl and back to him again. He received her with an embrace, her back to him. Her scent invaded him and he decided to commence the game. "You can't refuse because you're always a part of it."

Changing the subject, "Someone noticed how I do not call you by your name."

As she faced him he said, "Would they be surprise if I tell them you call me by the name Mon?"

"I will not allow it."

He pouted.

She replied, "I have the right to call you whatever I want."

"Then call me whatever you like, my love."

There it is again. He called her love. Why is it so hard to believe that he feels something for her? He isn’t blind, he knows it’s because he’s a creature who is forbidden to have a feeling. They were viewed as emotionless beings lesser than humans. For once, Sebastian wants to tell the truth of what he is, and his story of why he’d become a demon. Inside him, there is hope that maybe someday he could be human again...but that was a false hope. He could cling to it like a snake clings to a rope, a dangling kind of hope. It isn’t fair for him to feel like this, to feel something as intense as love. It isn’t right.

“You better tell me everything.”

"As you wish, m'lady."

The dance ended and they marched back to the crowd.




***




"I shouldn't trust you." The man thumped his cane on the carpeted floor.

Looking out the paneled window, the man expects it to rain. The clouds were darker and there were neither moon nor stars to be seen. He faced his guest but didn’t take a seat.

"You shouldn't.” the guest answered. “You know how I would like to kill him and have the woman for myself. But you raised me back, how grateful I am to yo."

"Continue your plan. But if you get yourself killed I wouldn't think again of bringing you back."

Claude bowed before the man. He walked to the door with a satisfied smile.




***




Lights flicker.


Everyone hushed.


“What was that?” her ladyship gasped.

“Could be something of a malfunction.” Sebastian answered. His answer was supposed to calm Lady (Name) but the truth is very far from what he said. (Name) sensed different. Her heart beat suddenly like a drum, she couldn’t just dismiss it.


Something bad is going to happen.


The lights flicker again.


Sebastian concluded that it could be professional thieves but they couldn’t make the lights flicker all at once. There are different lightings all over the room. One thing he’s worried about is the idea of something other than mortals could be involved. Something…supernatural.

For half a second he was afraid but fear couldn't overwhelm him. He eats fear from souls and it was all over the air he could drown in it. The taste was tempting but he has his priorities.


“M’lady—”


Her hand slipped from his.


Eyes wide, he searched around for her. But people crowded and even though he has good eyes he couldn’t find her. She’s gone.


His master is...gone.



















_{TO BE CONTINUED...}